Our mother, me, and MichaelChristmas 1985
This is my tribute to my loving brother, Michael Lee Elliston. Michael was much too young to leave us. At 46, he left behind a wife and daughter (10 years old), our mother, me, his father, three younger brothers and many other family members and friends. He passed away from complications of acute leukemia.
With each day that my brother, Michael, is gone, I wonder how I can keep the memory of him alive. I wonder how to be the best person I can be as I want to continue making him proud of me. I wonder about the things he did in his life and the legacy he leaves us to ponder.
My brother and I were opposites in many ways. Living large was so easy for Michael whereas I have been a very shy person most of my life. He was a gourmet chef and very much into nouveau cuisine (I love plain comfort foods). He would always tease me for having such a "plain palette." What can I say, I just love comfort food! He loved cooking for huge crowds and went on to work at the Ritz Carlton, Four Seasons, Westin and many other high end hotels. In the last several years he had opened his own catering business called Caribbean Culinary Concepts and lived his dream!
Michael was also a world traveler. He traveled the world as a galley chef aboard a multi-million dollar yacht called the El Zorro. He would call me from ports in the Mediterranean and the next time I would get a call, it would be from the Ivory Coast on the Western side of Africa or Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, South America. He loved Australia and even had the opportunity to meet Dennis Connor whose team won the America's Cup in the 1980s for sailboat racing.
When I was 19, Michael flew me out to visit him in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands where I stayed with him on the El Zorro. We sailed into St. John and I visited his most favorite place called Virgin Gorda where there is a place called The Baths. In some areas you have to swim under huge boulders the size of houses to get to 'secret' areas of The Baths. Of course, the water is so warm and inviting - just like taking a bath, thus the name! I actually sat on the very top of a reef that cannot be seen unless you snorkel or go diving. I felt like I was on the top of the world.
No matter where my brother was, he thought of me and always called to keep in touch. I remember as I was growing up that the only thing I ever wanted for my birthday or Christmas some years was just to have him come home and spend time with me. Those times were such a gift. I was so excited when he would come home (wherever we lived at the time).
As I wrap up this tribute to my brother, I must tell you that when he went away to college at Southern Oregon College in Ashland, Oregon (I'm from the Oregon coast), I kind of took over his bedroom and his stereo to be closer to him in my own way. I remember listening to his record albums, Styx, Boston, ELO, and many other early 1980s rock bands. My brother was very into music as a musician (drums and guitar) as well as a singer. I remember him singing to me and watching as he would perform for family and friends. I remember listening to the song, "Babe" by the band Styx every night after he left for college.
Here are the lyrics - they seem very appropriate now.
Written by dennis deyoung
Lead vocals by dennis deyoung
Babe, I'm leaving, I must be on my way
The time is drawing near
My train is going, I see it in your eyes
The love, the need, your tears
But I'll be lonely without you
And I'll need your love to see me through
Please believe me, my heart is in your hands
And I'll be missing you.
You know its you babe
Whenever I get weary and I've had enough
Feel like giving up
You know its you babe
Giving me the courage and the strength I need
Please believe that it's true
Babe, I love you.
You know its you babe
Whenever I get weary and I've had enough
Feel like giving up
You know its you babe
Giving me the courage and the strength I need
Please believe that its true
Babe, I love you.
Babe, I'm leaving, Ill say it once again
Somehow try to smile
I know the feeling were trying to forget
If only for a while
But Ill be lonely without you
And Ill need your love to see me through
Please believe me, my heart is in your hands
And Ill be missing you
Babe, I love you.
I believe my brother's legacy is for me to:
- stop being afraid! Live your dream; no one else will do it for you!
- love in a big way - all of your family and friends. Tell them everyday!
- live life large because you never know when your time is up!
- cook food that is good and yummy and brings people together!
- create or listen to all kinds of music - it's food for the soul and also brings people together!
Here's how I have already made big strides in living up to this legacy and creating my own legacy.
- I have joined my friend Lisa's Over Forty, Fit and Fabulous program to help me get and stay fit and healthy. I also walk every morning with my oldest daughter.
- I tell my family and friends how I feel about them instead of just thinking it.
- I am going to Ireland next month to present at a business educator's conference (I've never been outside of the United States, except Mexico).
- I am cooking breakfast for myself every morning and when I cook dinner, I think of my brother and try to spice things up a bit - even if it is still comfort food!
- I love music and will make it more of my life to be closer to my brother and my own soul.
- I am going to plan a summer party at my house where I will incorporate all of these things to share with family and friends.
What will you do?
I'm signing off for now, but would like to hear from others who've lost someone dear to your heart and how you coped with your grief. How did you live differently after they were gone and how did you give tribute to your loved one's life?
With Gratitude,
Michelle Ulrich
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